(Roleplay Series, Part 3 of 3. Trigger warning – this post deals with attempted suicide)
(years later, on Azeroth)
Jae stood on the cliff overlooking the ocean. As she gazed into the violet sky with the multitudes of stars, she felt a sense of peace. But the turbulent, murky ocean below seemed to capture how she was feeling inside, and as she stood there she couldn’t help but feel that she should give into it, finally end her agony, the memories, and whatever suffering she would inflict on others simply by her presence.
She knew the naga would eat whatever remained of her. She would finish the nightmare, and nobody in this strange, forsaken place would ever remember that she existed.
Jae was so entranced in watching the water below that she didn’t hear the gallop of four mighty paws coming up behind her. She also didn’t hear the softly calling voice of the dwarf riding that mount at first.
She finally heard the voice. “Yes, I am… Jae.”
“Don’t do this,” said the dwarf. “You were saved for a reason. You are not and do not have to be that person”.
“What are you talking about?” Jae screamed as she whipped around to look at the dwarf. “You have no IDEA what I have been through! You do not know me!”
“But I do.” Brynne said as she handed Jae a deep purple orb. Jae took the orb into both hands and gazed into it…
so many memories… nightmares…
She watched as she saw herself being captured by the orc warlocks in her homeland. She saw as the demons they summoned burned her flesh, melting her eyes, suffocating her with their sulfuric stench. She watched as they tortured her slowly, breaking each bone in her body, pulling her fingers, knees, and shoulders out of joint and ripping her hooves off. She saw them heal her back up, and proceed to do it again, for days at a time. Tears fell down her face as she watched demons force themselves on her for hours at a time, until she was on the verge of death… when she would then be re-healed and it would start all over again. This went on for days, months, years.
She was their toy. Their plaything. She was nothing to them, and nothing to herself.
It was when she watched herself, under demonic influence, go behind the lines of fire, and one-by-one snipe each of the remaining draenei defenders, thus ensuring the death of her people, that Jae threw the orb on the ground in disgust, her eyes flaring. “WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS??? Isn’t it enough that I had to live through it once?” she screamed.
“No, I show you this so that you will know that I know what you have been through. Your story is not over yet. The Light saved you for a reason.”
“Oh really? Well where was the Light during all this? Why did the Light allow me to be raped and beaten for years? Why did the Light allow me to betray my people? Because of me, my family and friends are all dead. I killed innocent defenders in battle, because I could. My people, what remain of them, are here partly because of me, for something I did. Everywhere I go here, there are Light-bearers, talking about goodness and justice and righteousness, but if they find out what I did, I will be put to death for treason. My life is over already… and honestly, I don’t WANT to remember the things that I have been through. Living them once was enough… remembering them everyday is just the continuation of the torture. And I have the Light to thank for that.”
And with that, Jae jumped off the cliff.
Or at least tried. Brynne cast a spell that took a hold of Jae’s mind for a moment, saving her a fraction of a second before she took that fateful step. Brynne pulled her back away from the edge.
“Listen Jae, I do not know why those things happened to you. I wish I did. But what you went through… would have killed a normal being, with or without the magic of the warlocks. You are strong, not just in body but in spirit. You do not want to die, or else you would have done so already. But more importantly, you have been saved because there is something inside of you, something unique to you, that other draenei do not have.”
The mind control broke just as Brynne finished her words, and Jae crumpled into a sobbing lump on the ground. “How do I know you’re not just another Light-bearer? You know what I did, how do I know that you will not turn me in to them?”
“Can ‘just another Light-bearer’ do this?” Brynne asked as she casually directed a beam of pure shadow energy at a nearby naga, killing them instantly. “I have trained in the Light, yes. But I have trained in Shadow as well. There is a balance that must be maintained. The Light, in its truest and purest form, is good and righteous. But beings misinterpret it, and do not always follow its teachings. If you wish to follow the Light, you must understand Shadow. Perhaps this is where your strength lies.”
“And what happens to me if… when they find out what I did?” Jae asked.
“I can help with that. I have friends that will love and accept you, and we have attained the trust of many ranking officials here. We will be able to ensure your safety, should it come to that. As a matter of fact, I am inviting you to join us and wear our tabard.”
“What do you want? Why are you offering me this?” Jae asked.
“I want nothing more than your safety, and to help you. As to why I am here… I was told of your coming.” Brynne answered.
“You were told of my coming? Who told you?”
“Let’s just say that the Naaru are not the only messengers of the Light. I was foretold that you would be here, and I am here to assist you in whatever way that I can, and to help you find who you are meant to be. You will be able to reach me at anytime, through use of this,” and she handed Jae a small jade stone. “just speak into it and I will answer.”
“Thank… you…” Jae said absently as she fiddled with the stone. “May I ask, what is your name?”
“Brynne. Brynne Stoutheart they call me.”
“Thank you Brynne. You are the first person that has shown me kindness here, that I feel I can trust.”
Brynne smiled to herself. “Certainly dear. Will you be alright or would you like for me to stay around for a while?”
“I… I think I’d like to be alone for a while. I can reach you with this, right?”
“You sure can, at any time. I’ll be off then… take care of yourself dear.”